The Ugly Truth

Writing used to be something that I really loved to do. All throughout high school I kept various notebooks that contained everything from letters to poems to short stories. It was my therapy. There was nothing I loved more in the spring than ditching my last two classes of the day, driving down to my little secluded spot on the water and sitting on a rock and writing. I loved the sound of the water, the breeze on my face and the sun warming every inch of my body. I could sit there for hours and just write until all my problems no longer seemed so significant.

For about the last 5 years or so writing became so difficult. It wasn't from a lack of things to say, it was just the unwillingness to say those things. I have always found resolution to my problems through writing and I think the resolution that I knew I would find was just a reality that I wasn't ready to deal with. I would try to write, and find myself unconsciously skipping over certain parts of the truth. I was leaving out the core of what actually was so I didn't have to deal with it. After awhile I just stopped writing. Too much to say, not enough courage to say it.

I started this blog a few months before the split. When I first began my posts were few and far between. I was still hiding a lot. My cousin kept encouraging me. Just keep writing she said. And so I did. It was tough. Every post was censored, making sure I didn't let the reality of my situation known to my friends, my family, or even myself at times.

After the split it was still tough. If I posted once every couple weeks, I was doing well. I just kept hearing my cousin though. "Just keep writing." Now I find myself with an over abundance of things to say. I am no longer censoring myself. I have started to accept what is and I have learned that just because I fail to consciously acknowledge it doesn't make it any less true. Not only am I writing again, I am finding that my passion for it is back.

Today all I really want to do is skip out of work early, drive down to that little secluded spot on the water and just write. Maybe tomorrow....